


How Not to Annoy a Dragon

by Shadow_Of_Castiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-01
Updated: 2010-09-01
Packaged: 2017-10-11 09:52:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/111103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow_Of_Castiel/pseuds/Shadow_Of_Castiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pure crack!fic involving two Winchesters, an angel, a very angry dragon and how not to deal with said dragon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Not to Annoy a Dragon

Dean didn't expect his day to be quite as bad as it was upon first waking. His usual morning routine was as to be expected. He got up, scrubbed his eyes and the back of his neck with one weary hand, shouted for pie and disappeared into the bathroom to shower and shave. Things were normal.

Things only started to become a little less normal when Dean left the motel with Sam, Castiel in ever patient tow. Their stop at the local grocery store proved uneventful in the most eventful of manners. The first indication they received that things weren't all as they appeared was when they saw the dragon by the display of breath mints. The dragon was contemplating in perfect Queen's English whether it would be better to go with peppermint or spearmint, or whether possibly fresh mint would be the wise move. The next of his musings meandered away from different kinds of mint and entered the chewing gum territory.

Dean openly goggled, wondering why a dragon was even in a grocery store to begin with, while Sam seemed pleasantly unsurprised by the large winged creature's presence. Castiel merely stared at the dragon intently and no one could tell quite what the angel was thinking on the matter.

"Dude, dragons don't even exist, so why is one even in this store?" Dean hissed when he caught Sam's unconcerned expression.

"Well, clearly, dragons do exist and I believe he wants to buy mints from this store. The dude's breath must be pretty funky from breathing fire and brimstone all day long," Sam said, mildly.

"Fire and brimstone, huh?" Dean repeated, unimpressed. "Say, Cas, you ever deal with fire and brimstone before?"

"Not from my mouth, I haven't," Castiel replied, turning large blue eyes onto Dean. "I have wielded it by thunderbolt and lightning before."

"Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me," Dean shot back, to Castiel's blank faced expression.

"I don't understand that reference, Dean," the angel replied, mildly.

"No, I didn't expect you to," Dean grumbled as he rolled his eyes at Sam. "He's good with general things, but he doesn't know his music, does he?"

"He's an angel, Dean. I doubt they listened to music in Heaven. Too busy observing other things," Sam replied, eyes never leaving the dragon still musing over mints and chewing gum.

Dean snorted and towed Castiel further into the store, leaving his brother behind to aid the dragon in his choice of breath freshener. Dean stopped in the middle of the cereal aisle when he saw the six foot panda tipping over a customer's shopping cart, before subsequently giving said customer the evil eye.

"Hey, Cas, we've got a cereal killer on our hands," Dean said, as he passed by the psychotically staring panda.

"If you insist, Dean," Castiel replied, blandly.

Dean huffed but didn't speak further until they reached the pies. He oohhed and aahhhed over the varieties on the rack, piling delicious sweet pastry goodness into Castiel's patient arms, before pulling the angel back to Sam's location when a dull roar announced the dragon's displeasure. They arrived at Sam's location in time for Castiel to get blasted by pretty glittery fire, trenchcoat covered form bathed in rainbow glitters before the fire diminished.

"Son of a bitch," Dean said, as he tried to pluck the angel from the fiery path of the dragon's maw.

He was too late; Castiel had already received a massive dose of whatever passed for glittery magic held within the dragon's flame and he fled from the store, still holding Dean's pies.

"Hey, stop that angel; he's got my pie," Dean yelled as he took off after Castiel.

Sam followed in swift pursuit, cursing the day gone swiftly bad, before they stopped at the boundaries of a nearby park. Castiel had piled Dean's pies - still unpaid for - by the side of the children's play area and was now currently spinning himself around on a highly colored roundabout. The angel was even shouting - "WEEEEEE!" - at the top of his voice.

All Sam and Dean could do was watch with mounting horror as Castiel leapt from the still revolving roundabout, launching himself at the swings and planting himself firmly on one rubber seat. His legs kicked up into the air as he started to swing himself, wings giving him the extra push he need to leave the ground. His shouts of - "WEEEEE!" - grew louder still and didn't abate, even when he left the swing and headed for the slide instead.

"What the hell's got into him?" Dean asked, turning large and horrified green eyes onto his brother, mouth agape with uncertainty.

"I think it's the dragon. He put a spell on Castiel," Sam said, with a smirk that showed off his dimples. "It was meant for me because he didn't like the flavor of the mints I chose for him, but Cas got in the way instead."

"Well this blows," Dean said, with a grunt. "Wait, I take that back. This sucks and blows. We have a renegade angel running around a kiddie park acting like a winged child."

"You always said he needed to get the stick out of his ass, Dean," Sam reminded him.

"Not like this, Sammy. I meant with drink or Playboy, Play Angel or something, not play on a swing," Dean said, with disgust.

"He's on the monkey bars," Sam said, the first note of horror creeping into his voice.

Sure enough, when Dean looked, Castiel was dangling from the monkey bars, long legs kicking to keep his balance.

"Oh God," Dean said, as he buried his face into his hands.

He didn't remove his hands until some time later when Castiel ran up to him, tugging on first his sleeve and then his hand rather enthusiastically.

"Dean, Dean, Dean, push me on the swings, Dean," Castiel said, deep voice harsh and commanding.

Dean gave Sam a helpless look, which grew ever more helpless in the face of Sam's resultant laughter.

"Better do as he says, Dean. You don't want an angelic temper tantrum on our hands, do we?" Sam prompted, pushing Dean into action with both large hands.

"Shut up," Dean hissed, as he was slowly pulled along by Castiel's slender hands and sheer enthusiasm. "I can't wait til this wears off."

"I don't think it will take long now, Dean. He's already starting to slow down," Sam said, mildly, following his brother and surreptitiously pulling his camera phone from his pocket. "Just humor him for a while longer, then things will return to normal, I promise."

"You'd better hope it does. You owe me some pie for this," Dean said darkly, before starting to push Castiel on the swing he'd plopped himself down upon.

The hunter tried not to look too embarrassed when Castiel's exultant "WEEEE" grew louder still. Even Dean had to admit that the obviously happy angel was kind of cute, even though he wouldn't let anyone hear him say that aloud. He indulged Castiel wordlessly, through many a push on the swing and even joined in when Castiel wanted to play on the see-saw. Sam had a field day taking photos, proposing to use them as emotional blackmail at some distant time in the future. Dean also pretended to take no notice, knowing that as soon as he could, he would wipe the incriminating evidence from Sam's phone and leave his brother without an emotional blackmail leg to stand on.

Finally, eventually, Castiel calmed down and they were allowed to leave the park at last, stolen pies under Dean's watchful arm. They made it all the way back to the Impala, whereupon Castiel fell asleep on the back seat and snored gently. Dean had to admit that Castiel made a sweet little sleeping angel, staring at Castiel gently while he slept. Sam took a photo of his tender expression and ignored the resultant scream he got in return.

Dean remained silent all the way back to their motel room, speaking only once to his brother to leave dragons well alone in the future, and to especially not give them advice about breath mints. Sam had no choice but to agree, even as he gloated over photos of Dean playing with Castiel on a see-saw safely stored upon his camera phone. Dean was never given the chance he needed to wipe the evidence from his brother's phone, for Castiel took it upon himself to alleviate Dean's embarrassment upon waking up.

~fini~


End file.
